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#aita for not letting my sister have "custody" of her bio kids, who I adopted?
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Madison ā€¢ 400d
Madison
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When my sister Anne was younger, she got pregnant and had a daughter, Sophie. She developed what we believe is postpartum depression but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy. When Anne's school started up again, our mom took on all the childcare of Sophie. As mom took on more childcare, Anne seemed more like herself. Then within six months of Sophie's birth, Anne got pregnant again with another girl, Laura. In the cycle of postpartum depression symptoms, mom taking over and Anne's moving proving repeated. Anne decided to move out of her parents home alone and said she wanted her parents to adopt and raise her daughters. They said no, Anne said she couldn't take the care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable. My husband and I already had four kids of our own. We had bonded with the girls and we had resources for two more. So we offered to take them in and Anne let us legally adopt them before moving about eight hours away. It's been about five years and the kids are doing well. It was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit. Anne recently lost her job and had to move back in with her parents. Anne has now asked for custody of Sophie and Laura. I'm writing custody like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense as she willingly surrendered all of her rights to the girls and can't get them back. However, Anne wants the girls to live with her. Initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us, which we obviously refused. She then offered a compromise of alternate weeks. It's 50-50 custody. Again, we refuse. Given her insistence, we don't want her around Sophie and Laura, so we're not going to be going by my parents' house. It's been about a month of constant badgering, insisting we let Anne bond with her daughters and allow her at least to take them overnight for visits. Staying that, Anne had postpartum depression five years ago and now she's ready to be a parent. I responded that we're not babysitters. We're Sophie and Laura's parents. They're in a good place and this will be detrimental to all six kids. Anne doesn't get to step up now and she's never stepped up before. The response from my parents and Anne is that I'm being unsympathetic to her postpartum depression and I should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself. Plus, given that we already have four kids other than them, Sophie and Laura could probably do with a smaller household, saying we're unreasonable for not allowing Anne to bond with our kids.
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How are you the asshole? She gave up her kids knowing full well that you were adopting and taking them off her hands. I don't understand how you could possibly be the asshole.
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