Oh man, I'm biased off the bat. I can't stand her. I'll call her his ex to myself and others. He called her his friend. We're all older and she died recently in aneurysm. I've been with him for 10 years and he'd known her for 20. The way he tells it is they were friends in college, decided to date, got married, then realized they weren't a great couple and decided just to be friends. All that happened years before I met him. He was clear early on that she was important. A couple months into dating, it came up that his friend was actually his ex-wife. He explained the above to me, saying she was one of his closest friends and that it was purely platonic. I expressed some discomfort at him being so close to an ex and he told me, that's fine. If you have a serious issue with it, let me know now and save us some time. I'll choose her. I like you and all, but I've known her for over 12 years and she's one of the most important people in my life. You'll have to be okay with that if you want us to be a thing. When we were engaged I asked him again. He gave me this perplexed look. Why would us getting married affect my friendship? I sucked it up and went along. I resented every moment of knowing her, especially when we had to be social. She understood some part of him I couldn't. Her husband was friends with mine as well, so it's not like I could use him as an angle. He'd have lunch with the ex. They'd go to their geeky movies and whatever. The few times I brought it up, he said, we had this conversation before. You had your chance to back out. She died after they had lunched out their day on the way to her car. He spent a bunch of time crying, but honestly I was relieved. He was working with her on the funeral planning. I told him, you don't think you're going, do you? My argument summed up. She's dead, so she's not a factor anymore. He doesn't get to use. She's my friend excuse and she doesn't exist anymore. He had his cry for a couple of days. He gets to be done with mourning her already. There's no need for him to go to her funeral since I wouldn't want her at his. He was the angriest I've ever seen him when I told him, replying that he'll be going no matter how I feel and that he's willing to burn this to the ground while holding up his wedding band. Besides you, she was my closest friend in the world. Him, her husband, my sisters are calling me insensitive asshole over this, all saying there was no romantic aspect to the relationship. That I'm heartless. Her husband went so far as saying that I'm a cow for how I reacted. I've never felt the relationship was inappropriate. I hid that for years because I wanted to do with my husband. Now that she's gone, I don't feel like I should have to hide anymore and can speak freely. Am I the asshole for wanting him to be done with her and for not wanting him to attend the funeral?