I've lost my job and been ostracized by my family, so I figured I'd come to the court of public opinion. One of my best friends over 10 years lost her battle with the big c word on Christmas. Fuck cancer y'all. I'm not handling a world. To be honest, I feel like a really crazy person and I literally haven't stopped crying. Through all the tumultuous emotions I decided that I wanted to cut my hair. I don't know why, but I felt like I wanted to get rid of the sociological weight and my hair was suffocating me. I model and I've been doing it pretty much my whole life. My family's upper middle class due to my income. My parents work as my managers even though I had hired actual experienced managers over the years. My dad works part-time elsewhere, but I'm the main breadwinner of the family. Part of my current contract was that I can't cut my hair without prior consent for managing parties or else my contract could be rendered void. It wasn't really an issue until now. For a week I tried to get consent, but nobody wanted to give it. So over the weekend I locked myself in my bathroom and chopped off almost all my hair. I didn't go as extreme as 2007 Britney, but I was definitely channeling her energy. Now I look like Steve from Stranger Things. I don't feel a lot better, but it was kind of cathartic. I'm glad I did it. My life changed and I physically reflect that now. Now I'm unemployed though, cause I was released from my contract and as soon as I'm done with high school my family wants me gone. I know that I jeopardize my family's financial security and my parents are scrambling to figure out how to pay the bills because I may have been an immature asshole, but I don't know maybe it's grief, but I feel pretty apathetic about it. I wanted to grieve in my own way. So I'm not the asshole for that.