So this fuckup took place about 15 years ago when I was around 11 years old. I'd recently seen my father's penis for some reason, as little boys often accidentally do, and it got me thinking about how small my penis was. I decided I needed to do something about this. I did some Google searching and somehow learned about penis pumps. Now, my 11 year old self didn't really understand what the term meant. I however knew that I had a penis, which had a hole, and I had a pump. The pump I had was a soccer ball pump. The ones with the little metal needle inside? Anyways, I examined my dickhole and determined it would accept this metal object. I stuck it in. It hurt a little. I decided the pain would be worth it. I pushed the pump handle down and pumped the air in. It inflated my urethra like a balloon. Since I was 11, I was not an anatomy expert and the sensation gave me an erection. So I decided it must be working somehow. I inflated it again. It hurt a little this time. And now it felt like I had to pee. I wanted results though and people always say, no pain, no game. I pushed the handle down again. How now I really fucking had to pee. I removed the needle and hobbled off to the bathroom. The sensation had given me a full on erection. The kind where it's hard to pee. However, I really fucking had to pee. I pushed super hard. No man other than me likely knows the feeling of farting piss out of their penis. I get to claim that I guess. The air mixed with urine created a sprinkler effect, spraying piss everywhere as the air and pee mixture escaped violently. It really hurt my dickhole. Amazingly, the dickhole was not meant to rapidly expel air from the dick balloon. I can confirm now that if a woman blows into your penis during a blow job, you will not die. Checkmate, weird middle school boy storytellers. 15 years later, it still hurts when I pee occasionally. I'm considering going to the urologist one day. However, I'm not sure how to address this issue. The last thing I would want to tell a medical doctor is the actual reason why my dick hurts every now and then.

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