This whole saga started because my husband took my last name. A couple of weeks ago, he got his workplace to change it and his co-workers found out. About half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. Brenda is the offended half and has made that clear. He and I are in a group chat with his co-workers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. It is very helpful to us so we can't leave the chat. Since he changed his name, my husband and I have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat which we have just been mostly ignoring. Yesterday, Brenda, his co-worker and I got into a bit of a spat. I messaged a group asking if someone could take my husband home since I won't be back from work until late and needed the car. One of his co-workers agreed and I thought that was that. Brenda messages a group saying, maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn't come into work with his dirty shirts. I took this as a bad joke initially. My husband is a rural male carrier so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. I do wash them but there's only so much to be done. I said, I could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol. She responded, you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. I'd be embarrassed as a wife if I did so little for my husband. I responded, well I work more hours and pay the bills so I think he can also clean his own shirts if it's so important. Brenda responded, maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced. I replied, I'll let you know when I need relationship advice from someone who's 42 and single. Now, apparently Brenda is going around saying that I mocked her for being single in her 40s. I don't care if someone is single in their 40s but I think it's absolutely bullshit that she can call me a bad wife but I can't point out she has no frame of reference. Am I that asshole stereo?