My best friend doesn't know that every day after school, when his girlfriend has hockey practice, she's actually coming over to my house and doing the deed with me.

I ain't gonna lie, if I was your best friend and I found out you did that shit, I'd probably murk your ass.

Well, both you and her are obvious pieces of shit, you know, he's obviously not your best friend because you don't give too much of a fuck because you're fucking his girl, so, it's like, like, you do know people die over that shit, you do know motherfuckers die over that type shit, right?

But yeah, you should definitely tell him, and I hope he smashes your face in two.