Cookies

By clicking “Fine”, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts.

Fine

Learn more

Explore About People

Scan to download Stereo

Contact FAQs Press Teens Terms Privacy Guidelines Transparency

Big Tam Tam

How do yall DE-ESCALATE things with your partner? #tammyisms

Copy link to post

Audio

Text

ItsTayK • 306d

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N • 310d

Copy link to post

Add comment

Big Tam Tam• 311d

Hey Stereo and my beautiful Stereo family, I have a question for you because I'm watching this video and he has his ways that he is saying helps deescalate a situation, you know getting closer, holding hands, looking each other in the eyes, it usually does make it harder to get in a straight out argument, blow not fight, I know one thing me and Butler like to do if we can't for whatever reason come to an agreement, we'll have to put a pin in it and we find something to laugh at or maybe something funny to watch or just maybe talk about something else all together, right? What is it that you guys do to deescalate arguments so that it's a healthy argument right? Because arguments aren't supposed to happen in relationships, but healthy arguments so they don't get out of control, I would love to hear you guys advice, can you drop it in the comments? Let's go Stereo!

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

Blessings to you Tammy. Thank you for sharing this amazing post. So I am single at the moment and one of the important things that I am teaching myself is to be comfortable and to be aware of myself enough to know when I am overwhelmed. And that is my cue to take a break.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

I am a domestic violence survivor, and when I was in that relationship, it wasn't really an option for me to just walk away because he would follow me. He would demand my attention so that he could further abuse me, and de-escalating wasn't really an option because of his continuous abuse.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

So, since being out of that relationship and on my own, you know, I'm not seeking a relationship with anyone at the moment simply because I'm still healing. I'm still growing. If Mr. Right comes along, I want him to understand, hey, you know, we could have something in the future. I'm absolutely open to that, but I'm working on myself first. You know what I mean? Let's be friends. Let's grow in that way together.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

So essentially, being single, I am doing a lot of self-reflection, self-improvement, because it is very important for me to know how to healthily de-escalate and that it is okay to de-escalate. It is okay to decompress. It is okay to have boundaries, right?

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

Because I am no longer in a situation where I have to essentially shut down within myself while taking abuse. You know what I mean? So I am able to be conscious in the moment, aware, right? And I am able to sit myself down inside and out.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

And understand, Moon, this is what's happening. You're okay. Breathe. Let's breathe. Let's assess the situation. Maybe you need to take a nap. Maybe you need to take 10 minutes out in fresh air, sit on your porch, drink some tea, be on social media.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

I think self-regulation is super healthy, it's needed, because we all get overwhelmed sometimes. We all experience moments where we might feel triggered, where we might feel claustrophobic a little bit, maybe in certain situations, especially if we are highly intuitive, especially if we are an empath.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

And that self-regulation will definitely help us re-center, ground ourselves, and I know for me, like, learning to de-escalate myself in a way where, okay, adversity is happening to me right in this moment, right? This is what I do when this happens. I take that time to regulate myself, and I think that'll help me in future relationships.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

In future relationships, I will never, ever, ever, ever place myself in a situation and put up with it where someone is abusing me. I will never, ever be a domestic violence victim again. And I'm not stating that the abuse that was done to me is my fault, because it's not. That is 100% all on him, 100% of the time.

Copy link to post

ꨄ𖣔𖣔N• 310d

Essentially, to wrap this all up in a pretty bow, in my comment, is the self-improvement that I am doing, the healing that I am doing on myself, will benefit every facet of my life, including relationships. Because I want to live out the rest of my life happy, growing, healing, and I want that for my children as well.