What did I get arrested for and why?

Being an ugly bitch.

Having sexual interactions with the obese pigeon named Phil Fagoda.

Are you are you are you recognize you you you you're the one who stole my purse

Then later that day you found out that the box of little Caesars was actually a box of bananas and you've learned the fact that they all contain potassium and since potassium decays that makes them slightly radioactive they contain 422

Bro they caught you in the ball pit touching little kids ball sacks when nobody was looking you're doing that for a good month and I finally caught your dumb ass

SLAG Stop

Do you want to jail for robbing the bank with a BB gun

Yeah

For knowing how to teleport. That's why they arrested you.

yours, you got the Russian for those b.s.