Yo, I need your help on this. How do you get a baby to stop crying?

Okay, I have the secret. Are you ready? First of all, make sure that the baby is not eating something such as an allergen via either the breast milk or formula or whatever the baby's eating. They might be allergic to something which could cause them to cry like that. But the cure, the cure-all is the Nick Lachey My Father's Lullaby album. Put that shit on, rock the baby, and watch that baby asleep by Song 3. You might actually like the songs yourself.

Um, I usually start crying with them and making stupid faces, and then, um, doing, uh, like, different anime, uh, character voices around them, and then, they pretty much STFU, and, yeah, that's all the advice I can give right now.

So what you do is you don't hold them towards you, you hold them away from you. It works all the time.

Sweet Jesus good luck. You're on your own chap. Godspeed.