I think there's a breakdown of communication, you guys are saying well just pay it, it's like it's not a matter of fact of just pay it or not pay it it could be a bigger problem and I think that's what happens in a lot of marriages especially long term marriages it's a breakdown of communication, we don't continuously check in like hey babe, you know this is like the third month, like what's going on something going on, is that maybe something you want me to do, what can I do to help so we don't keep having this continued discussion, instead of just being mad at each other all the time How about just having a conversation about it