Would you rather die before your boyfriend girlfriend has been away for ever or after I would rather die before then because I don't wanna live with the grief of losing them even though they would have to live with it but that's not my problem is I'm dead

I would die after because I want to live. I don't care about them.

I would rather die before but I think that's really selfish because they would have to live in pain so I'm actually not sure but if I was thinking about myself I would die before

I know this is selfish but day before because I don't wanna go for the pain of seeing my partner die